Gossip - How to break the cycle for more positive social interactions
Gossip: [verb] A rumor or report of an intimate nature; a chatty talk.
“If you propose to speak, ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” -Buddha
Almost every human on earth has been involved in some type of gossip. Maybe you’ve been the victim, the topic of a gossiping group. Maybe you’ve been the one to produce the gossip or maybe you’ve been in a social group hearing gossip. Most often, whichever end of it you’ve experienced, you weren’t left feeling good.
As the subject of gossip, you were probably left feeling disrespected, hurt, betrayed, questioning who you can trust, and unsure of your own self worth.
As the producer or listener of the gossip about someone else, you may have initially felt good, relieved to get some stuff off your chest. However, a good vent-sesh is different from a gossip-sesh. More than likely, gossiping left you with a sour taste in your mouth, irritated even more, and sometimes even vengeful.
In either case, gossip leaves you feeling less than good and nowhere near your best and most positive self.
You may be surprised to hear that about 60% of conversations between adults are about someone that isn’t present. In most cases, these dialogues are passing judgment. “Why is this percentage so high?” you may be wondering.
Well, gossip can temporarily create a social bond based on common ground. It takes a level of trust, between you and another person or other people, to be able to say or hear something that won’t leave the group (in theory). It also allows people to feel connected, even if it is through a shared dislike or negative feeling. It accesses our tribal nature in this way.
But this feeling often sours because gossip typically stems from a feeling of being treated unfairly - from a head space focused on victim hood. A victim-mindset is never one where we use our energy for self-growth. Victim hood makes it nearly impossible to persevere through the difficult challenges that will make us a better person.
SO...how can you stop gossip, prevent it, or remove yourself from a gossip situation?
Tip #1: “Why are you telling me this?” is one question you can ask to stop gossip dead in its tracks. The person engaging in the act will be left to examine and find an honest answer, which can be difficult if the gossip is negative, hurtful or just mentally draining. Speaking up can be very difficult, but others will admire your courage to keep the gossip out of your friendship.
Tip #2: Get up and walk away from the gossiping individual or group. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your unwillingness to participate in gossip about someone else’s life. You are protecting yourself from the negativity and unhealthy intentions that gossip brings to a social group.
Tip #3: Change the subject. “Did you hear they’re changing the Indians to the Guardians,” or “Have you tried that new pizza place?” If the gossip continues after your honest efforts to stop it, go back to Tip #2, get up and walk away.
Tip #4: Take a look inward if you find yourself partaking in gossip. Step back from the situation and ask yourself the following questions to help gain perspective:
Am I jealous of this person I am talking about?
Am I finding myself caught in the comparison trap and finding myself unworthy?
Do I feel I’ve been wronged by this person and I’m simply reacting out of hurt and anger?
Do I find gossiping entertaining?
Tip #5: Access your inner Buddha! As stated in the quote above, ask yourself the big three questions if you’re the one gossiping or hearing others gossip:
Is it true to the best of my knowledge?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?
The negative cycle of gossip can be a hard one to break, but can bring instant relief and a stronger, more confident you. The positive self partakes in honest conversations that show you are impeccable with your word and your actions.
Continue to strive to be your best self. Performing actions that are kind and authentic will leave you feeling more positive, happy, and joyful.
Be YOU because YOU are wonderful!
Xo,
Katie
Sources:
https://time.com/5680457/why-do-people-gossip/
https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/articles/harmful-or-normal-whats-the-deal-with-gossip/
