The Vicious Cycle of Crash Diets and Grinding Workouts and How to Break Free

As I was enjoying working in my garden yesterday, I thought to myself how one’s health and fitness is much like a garden.

As the warmer weather breaks after winter here in Ohio, it is common for most people to get out into their gardens and pull weeds that are starting to pop up, check on their hardy perennials as they make their way through the dirt, and start planting annuals for pops of color. 

The warmer weather also sparks the desire to clean up one’s nutrition and start exercising in order to feel better in their summer clothing or get that leaner body for summer vacations at the beach. 

But pulling weeds once won’t keep those pesky, unwanted guests out of your gardens. Simply planting flowers and then leaving them won't create a beautifully colorful garden that you’re hoping for. Similarly, fixing your nutrition for a few weeks or months to prepare for summer fun won’t be the full solution to the health and fitness that you want. 

A garden takes constant and consistent weed-pulling, watering, dead-heading of flowers, and TLC up until frost in the late Fall months. Your health and fitness takes even more diligence. Your gardens will hibernate under the snow, but if you leave your health and fitness goals out in the cold for long stretches of time, you’ll feel like you’re starting from scratch again and again, year after year. 

This was my vicious cycle for about 7 years. 

As Spring approached, I would hunker down on my nutrition and deprive myself of things I loved (mostly desserts and Mexican food!). I would torture myself with workouts that were neither fun nor strength-building. By June, I would feel better about myself physically, go on the vacation that I was preparing for, then revert back to my old ways until I’d feel flabby again and hate myself.  

The self-talk in my head was very cruel. 

You can see in the pictures below where I found myself in May of 2012 and then where I started up again in October. That June, after a cruise, I went back to old habits - no exercise and no awareness of what my nutrition did to my physical and mental health.

I’d try to restart the new regimen in October - Another go round on the ruthless cycle of crash dieting and torturous workouts that didn’t give me any joy or sustained benefit whatsoever. It wouldn’t last past Thanksgiving. I was eating and exercising for one simple reason: LOSE WEIGHT and LOSE IT FAST! 

I didn’t tend to my garden, and my physical and mental health grew weeds.

“If you do it for a result in the future, you aren’t doing it.” ~Alan Watts

This quote by Philosopher Alan Watts can be confusing. Aren’t goals meant to be reached in the future? Doesn’t someone work towards something they want to achieve in the future? Yes, indeed! However, if you are ONLY doing it with your eyes set on an endpoint, then you aren’t in fact living the life you want. Striving for an end doesn’t help create habits that stick beyond reaching that end. 

So…how can you break free from the unpleasant cycle of crash dieting and exercising for good and sustain the progress you deserve? 

1. Create a habit of exercising to celebrate your strong body.

It is very common for someone to workout for the sole purpose of speeding up the weight loss journey. When this is the mindset going into, workouts can feel daunting and less enjoyable. When you make the mindset shift of enjoying your workouts because they are a celebration of all that your body is capable of doing, you will want to continue exploring more growth in your health and fitness. Goals are great benchmarks with workouts (for example: being able to do 1 push up from your toes or deadlift so many pounds), but try to view them as a measure of your progress as you continue to reach more. 

2. Continue to enjoy eating meals and treats that bring you joy, but plan them out in moderation so they feel more special

Who doesn’t love a flex meal of pizza or a cheeseburger and french fries? How about some chips and salsa and a barbacoa bowl at your local Mexican restaurant (this is my husband and my weekly Friday night flex meal!)? When these flex meals are planned in advance, it gives you time to look forward to them while you still enjoy nutritious meals throughout the other days. Planning a few meals out as you begin your journey is all you need to do. As this becomes a consistent habit and you start to notice your progress, you’ll naturally start to plan out more healthy and nutritious meals and those special flex meals will continue to feel special.  

3. Course correct often rather than just once or twice a year

This was one of the most useful skills I developed on my fitness journey. It’s comfortable to go off course on a Wednesday and think “I’ll start again Monday”. It feels like making a plan, right? Well, effective course correcting happens as soon as possible after going off course. This creates a feeling of control and keeps away feelings of torture and anxiety around it. As you get repetitions in and continue to raise your awareness to what needs to be corrected, you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t work, what you won’t give up and what you can kick to the curb. Practice course corrections as often as you need and you’ll feel more in control of your health and fitness.

4. Become aware of the script in your head - what things are you telling yourself?

This may be the hardest part. Usually crash diets and gruesome workout routines can be accomplished for a short-term, but focusing on the self-talk is much harder. You talk to yourself more than you talk to ANYONE else, so changing this habit will be one that takes a lot of time, repetition and awareness. This can’t be fixed in the short-term. For this reason, most people will give up and resort back to the old script. KEEP GOING! Don’t stop being kinder to yourself just because you don’t feel the effects right away. You will thank yourself down the road for cultivating a healthy inner dialogue and being kind to yourself.

Get away from the cycle of yo-yo dieting and extreme workouts for short-term, unsustainable results. 

Take the longer view - grow a garden of mental and physical self-love and you will bloom!  

Xo,

Katie

Discover Discomfort

If you’ve ever worked on raising your awareness of your habits, your self talk, your emotions, or really any area of yourself, you understand how difficult it can be in the beginning. It can be very scary when you choose another area of yourself that you want to discover, experience, nurture, and possibly improve. Fear of the unknown, fear of uncertainty, fear of opening yourself up and being let down. Fear of the hard work that might be involved as you discover more about yourself and make the changes that you know need to be made.

When you work on improving yourself, whether it’s nutrition, physical fitness, or mental and emotional health, you are likely to travel some uncomfortable roads on the way there. This might be where you stopped last time. Stopped because you struggled to believe in your strength, or because you had too much going on in other areas, or because you weren’t putting yourself first. But sitting in that discomfort, identifying the emotion you're feeling and facing down your fears can bring so much gratification and validation that you are strong enough to do it.

A great strategy you can implement to discover your emotions:

When an emotion comes through that you’re unsure of, scared of feeling, or just simply wanting to explore, run yourself through these questions:

• What emotion am I feeling, or think I’m feeling?

• What is the logical reason I might be feeling this?

• What would a wise reaction to this feeling be?

Identifying your emotions can be hard work, but can teach you a lot about yourself as you discover WHY you may be feeling certain emotions and learn new and more helpful reactions to those emotions.

Often when you start to feel discomfort with something, your fight or flight response kicks in. Fight or flight is an automatic physiological reaction to an event that is perceived as stressful or frightening. That perception of threat activates the sympathetic nervous system and triggers an acute stress response that prepares the body to fight or flee. The easier response is usually to flee, which can lead to a life of habits that mask the true emotion. Some habit-masking may look like obsessive cleaning, indulging in comfort foods, not eating at all, over-working, exercising, drinking, using drugs, and the list can go on. (Side note: not all habits are unhealthy or life threatening.)

Whether this is your first time discovering some uncomfortable things or you’ve been here before, this can be the time that you break free of that self purgatory you’ve allowed yourself to live in for far too long and fight for yourself. Not all growth will cause discomfort - but often times new feelings and making self-improving changes can be difficult and that’s what may cause the discomfort.

Discover that discomfort and believe in yourself to face the challenge. Take time to experience that discomfort. Become aware of what you might be feeling and believe in yourself to grow through the experience. Remind yourself why you are doing what you are doing. Practice being proud of all that you’ve been, all that you are right here and now, and all that you have yet to become.

“These are the days that must happen to you.”

- Walt Whitman

.

Growth can be an uncomfortable process, but it can also be an amazing experience once you allow yourself to endure it. You are absolutely strong enough to go through it. And even more than that, you are worth it! Discover all that you are capable of and remind yourself every single day that YOU ARE WORTH IT!

“Change happens when you extend your reach. Your comfort zone is your enemy. As long as you play is safe, you will never become all that you are destined to be.” - Germany Kent

Liberation for your inner peace

Liberation [noun] - freedom from limits on thought or behavior; the act of setting someone free from oppression.

Everyone has things they hold on to: clothes, dishes, old bed sheets, old toys, books, old computers, trinkets, furniture, decorations - and that's only a few material items. There's also unhealthy habits, unhelpful reactions, useless emotions and even relationships. And not to mention old expectations you’ve held for yourself and other people that tend to only bring disappointment when not met. 

You might hold on to things because they give you a sense of control but also because imagining letting go is scary. Or you might question yourself: “What if letting go ends up being the wrong decision?” Or maybe it’s the fear of the work involved because the practice of “letting go” of old habits and creating new, healthy ones WILL BE WORK. 

Gary John Bishop says: “When your past is justifying your present, you’re living your life the wrong way. The only thing that should be influencing the present with you is the future.” 

What possessions, habits, relationships, or expectations have you been holding on to? There will always be positive impacts that shaped your present and will continue to shape your future. Hang on to those things. But what about the other, less helpful influences (whether it’s items, habits, emotions, reactions, relationships, expectations, etc.)?  How are they affecting not only your present but also your future?

“To let go does not mean to get rid of. To let go means to let be. When we let be with compassion, things come and go on their own.” –Jack Kornfield

In an article from Pyschologytoday.com titled “Important Tips on How to Let Go and Free Yourself,” learning a few tips might help when working towards letting go. To only list a few from the article:

• Don’t live in chains when you have the key. We live with self-limiting beliefs that we let define who we are. - What are a few things you’ve wanted to achieve, but just haven’t gotten there yet? Setting goals in any area can be a scary thing but another tip through the article encourages you to do what scares you. Change those limiting self beliefs into unlimited self belief that you CAN DO what you set yourself to achieve. Yes, it involves work and some discomfort through the process, but aren’t you worth the hard work? 

• Express what works for you. - Say what you feel, voice your opinions, open up and discover what being impeccable with your word feels like. This can be a tough one, as most people fear upsetting others with their truth, but when you learn to practice candor, you’ll feel the freedom of being your authentic self. 

• Learn forgiveness - Forgive others that have wronged you because holding on to grudges only wastes your energy. Forgive yourself for anything in your past that you have struggled with. When you let go of things that happened in the past and focus on NOW and what’s to come, you’re practicing embracing the here and the now. 

Let go. Let go of the fear. Let go of the doubt. Let go of all that doesn’t serve you. Feel the weight that is lifted when you let go and start going for what you truly want and deserve in this short life. Your inner peace will thank you!

Xo, 

Katie

Sources:

-https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/liberate

-Podcast: Unfu*k Nation with Gary John Bishop

-https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201708/important-tips-how-let-go-and-free-yourself

Awareness is key to change

Awareness is the key to change

[image credit: deepstash.com post]

Awareness: [noun] 

Knowledge and understanding that something is happening or exists

Human beings are hardwired to live with what’s familiar to them. 

This is what you know and you are confident that you can endure it because familiarity is predictable and brings the comfort of certainty. Even if you’re unhappy in your life with your body, your job, your relationship, your financial situation, your living situation - you can predict what will be coming your way, which is comfortably uncomfortable.  

Change, either big or small, brings another layer of discomfort because you are unable to predict the outcome of making that change. We have an uncanny ability to rationalize why something new or risky won’t work, to take us back to what is familiar and comfortable despite the desire to make these positive changes. 

Complacency: [noun] 

Self-satisfaction, especially when accompanied by unawareness of actual dangers or deficiencies

Can you think of any areas of your life where you might be complacent? Is your complacency preventing you from discovering more success, more self acceptance, more happiness, more health, a better life?

Practicing self awareness is the first step to making any desired change. In the simplest terms, it is information gathering. It is you picking up your magnifying glass and investigating yourself so that you may make the changes necessary to get to your goals. 

Becoming more aware of your current actions, thoughts, strengths and weaknesses can be uncomfortable work as you discover more about yourself and the hard work that may be ahead to get to where you want to be, but this work will release you from endless cycles of complacency and self-destructive behavior.

Gary John Bishop, author of the book “Unfu*k Yourself”, says “When you understand what is going on in the darkness with you, you’re much more empowered to strike towards the light.” 

It is common to darken your awareness to things that may require change, whether it's because you doubt yourself, have been told from others that it's impossible, or you just fear the hard work. But you have the ability to illuminate those dark things - it just takes progressive work.

So what does practicing self awareness look like?

Tasha Eurich, organizational psychologist and author of “Insight: Why We Aren’t As Self Aware As We Think,” offers great tips on increasing your self awareness:

She recommends the following practices:

1. Daily self check-ins: Asking yourself at the end of each day the following questions:

What went well for me today?

What didn’t go so well for me today?

What can I do to be smarter tomorrow?

These daily check-ins will increase your awareness as you discover areas that require some changes and improve on them little by little over time.

2. Introspection: [noun] the process of examining your own thoughts or feelings

Self-examination work can bring awareness to the mistakes that you have made in the past or continue to make in any given area or situation. 

Asking yourself “What” rather than “Why” can help you focus on the solution and moving forward. Asking yourself “Why” keeps you focusing on the problem at hand and trapped in the past.  For example, asking yourself “What part of that issue do I own?” rather than “Why does this issue always arise?” and “What can I do differently in the future?” rather than “Why do I always make that mistake?”

3. Compare and contrast: If you find a familiar situation happening over time, compare and contrast the situation. This helps to notice what changes to make when these situations arise.

For example, if you notice that every time you start a new nutrition plan to become the healthiest version of yourself and by week 2 or 3 you resort back to old habits, then comparing and contrasting the different times in which you’ve attempted a new nutrition plan may help. Do you try to change too much, too fast every time? Do you have unrealistic expectations and start to become discouraged by “slow” progress? Do you doubt yourself and your worthiness to achieve success? 

Or maybe you procrastinate on a task because the thought of it brings discomfort? Comparing and contrasting the different times in which you procrastinate a specific task can help you become aware of what to change regarding that task so that you procrastinate less in the future.

Choosing one practice from above and working it daily will help increase your self awareness. Overtime, increased self awareness will not only allow you to make changes in areas of your life you want to improve, but it will insulate you from outside factors and voices that may have caused you to quit in the past. 

Self awareness is the key to making change and will set the upper limit for your achievements.  Rather than feeling stuck with your current situation, practice expanding your awareness to your choices, behaviors, actions, and reactions. 

A new sense of freedom comes with self awareness. Embrace it!

Xo, 

Katie

Sources:

Merriam-Webster dictionary online

The Art of Manliness - #664: How to Develop Greater Self-Awareness with organizational psychologist Tasha Eurich

Author - Gary John Bishop, Unfu*k Yourself - Get Out Of Your Head and Into Your Life

The perfection trap & how to break free

Perfect [adjective]: being entirely without fault or defect

Perfect [verb]: to bring to final form

You are constantly bombarded with images of perfection. Facebook, Instagram, television shows, YouTube channels, TikTok...the list goes on. These illusions of the perfect man or woman, with the perfect life, in the perfect house, with the perfect relationship, the perfect body, the perfect career, or the perfect diet are all in fact just that - ILLUSIONS.

So what is it about perfection that is so appealing? What in your life are you trying to perfect?

If you’ve ever started a new exercise routine, maybe you’ve been under the impression that every workout needed to feel extremely difficult and followed exactly as programmed or you’d never be as strong and fit as you want. Or maybe you’ve started a new nutrition plan and believed it must be followed 100% accurately or you’d never get the body of your favorite Instagram personality.

This ALL or NOTHING mentality feeds the delusion that people who succeed at anything (physically, mentally, professionally) do it perfectly without fail. When we buy into this delusion, we create fear around trying the very things that might help us learn and grow towards our goals.

This fear of failure may be the force driving you into the perfection trap. Perfectionism to its core often masks the deep rooted fear of not being good enough. Fear of not being smart enough, strong enough, pretty enough, competent enough, rich enough, likable enough - again, the list goes on.

So, how do you break free from this perfection trap?

Practicing growth-minded thinking, in which you believe that your basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work, can help you learn to improve progressively over time and ditch the thinking that has you avoiding risks out of fear. When you start thinking with a growth mindset, you embrace challenges and don’t shy away from learning new things.

Amy Morin, author of the book “13 Things Mentally Strong Women Don’t Do” encourages an exercise in the second chapter of her book, titled “They don’t insist on perfection.” Morin suggests writing yourself a compassionate letter in which you give yourself a pep talk to embrace your flaws and imperfections and never give up. Think of things you would encourage your best friend to do or say to herself, and write those things to YOU. Read this letter as often as needed to remind yourself that your imperfections are what make you unique, they make you YOU!

Life is filled with challenges and obstacles and the longer you wait for the time or situation to be perfect, the longer you put off your own growth. To grow physically, mentally, professionally or emotionally, you must be willing to learn, to be challenged, and to move forward even when circumstances aren’t perfect.

As author Gary John Bishop says: “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Perfection only exists in your mind. So get out of your mind and into your life!

Xo,

Katie

Gossip - How to break the cycle for more positive social interactions

Gossip: [verb] A rumor or report of an intimate nature; a chatty talk.

“If you propose to speak, ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” -Buddha

Almost every human on earth has been involved in some type of gossip. Maybe you’ve been the victim, the topic of a gossiping group. Maybe you’ve been the one to produce the gossip or maybe you’ve been in a social group hearing gossip. Most often, whichever end of it you’ve experienced, you weren’t left feeling good.

As the subject of gossip, you were probably left feeling disrespected, hurt, betrayed, questioning who you can trust, and unsure of your own self worth.

As the producer or listener of the gossip about someone else, you may have initially felt good, relieved to get some stuff off your chest. However, a good vent-sesh is different from a gossip-sesh. More than likely, gossiping left you with a sour taste in your mouth, irritated even more, and sometimes even vengeful.

In either case, gossip leaves you feeling less than good and nowhere near your best and most positive self.

You may be surprised to hear that about 60% of conversations between adults are about someone that isn’t present. In most cases, these dialogues are passing judgment. “Why is this percentage so high?” you may be wondering.

Well, gossip can temporarily create a social bond based on common ground. It takes a level of trust, between you and another person or other people, to be able to say or hear something that won’t leave the group (in theory). It also allows people to feel connected, even if it is through a shared dislike or negative feeling. It accesses our tribal nature in this way.

But this feeling often sours because gossip typically stems from a feeling of being treated unfairly - from a head space focused on victim hood. A victim-mindset is never one where we use our energy for self-growth. Victim hood makes it nearly impossible to persevere through the difficult challenges that will make us a better person.

SO...how can you stop gossip, prevent it, or remove yourself from a gossip situation?

Tip #1: “Why are you telling me this?” is one question you can ask to stop gossip dead in its tracks. The person engaging in the act will be left to examine and find an honest answer, which can be difficult if the gossip is negative, hurtful or just mentally draining. Speaking up can be very difficult, but others will admire your courage to keep the gossip out of your friendship.

Tip #2: Get up and walk away from the gossiping individual or group. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your unwillingness to participate in gossip about someone else’s life. You are protecting yourself from the negativity and unhealthy intentions that gossip brings to a social group.

Tip #3: Change the subject. “Did you hear they’re changing the Indians to the Guardians,” or “Have you tried that new pizza place?” If the gossip continues after your honest efforts to stop it, go back to Tip #2, get up and walk away.

Tip #4: Take a look inward if you find yourself partaking in gossip. Step back from the situation and ask yourself the following questions to help gain perspective:

• Am I jealous of this person I am talking about?

• Am I finding myself caught in the comparison trap and finding myself unworthy?

• Do I feel I’ve been wronged by this person and I’m simply reacting out of hurt and anger?

• Do I find gossiping entertaining?

Tip #5: Access your inner Buddha! As stated in the quote above, ask yourself the big three questions if you’re the one gossiping or hearing others gossip:

• Is it true to the best of my knowledge?

• Is it necessary?

• Is it kind?

The negative cycle of gossip can be a hard one to break, but can bring instant relief and a stronger, more confident you. The positive self partakes in honest conversations that show you are impeccable with your word and your actions.

Continue to strive to be your best self. Performing actions that are kind and authentic will leave you feeling more positive, happy, and joyful.

Be YOU because YOU are wonderful!

Xo,

Katie

Sources:

https://time.com/5680457/why-do-people-gossip/

https://www.girlsgonestrong.com/blog/articles/harmful-or-normal-whats-the-deal-with-gossip/

The Gift of Being Stuck

“I only lost 1 pound.”

As a coach, you hear variations of this phrase quite often. Whether it be weight loss, lifting a certain amount of weight or just feeling a lack of motivation to continue to work towards whatever your goals may be, the dreaded plateau is an inevitable part of every fitness journey. 

If you find yourself feeling stuck in a plateau, here are some questions to ask yourself that can help you break free of those feelings and get you back to a growth mindset.

WHERE IS YOUR MIND?

While plateaus can be frustrating as hell, they can teach us a lot more about how to maintain long-term success than the times where we are progressing at a pace we might find acceptable.

Plateaus offer us a chance to take a breath and assess. They offer us a chance to evaluate ourselves and the things we are doing (or not doing). Think of yourself as a scientist and your journey as the experiment.

With our fat loss plateaus: 

-Am I aware of and/or logging EVERYTHING I consume?

-Am I being totally honest, but also compassionate with myself about my nutrition?

With our physical plateaus: 

-Where are my movement weaknesses and limitations?

-Am I overtraining?

-Am I getting enough rest? 

With our mental plateaus: 

-Am I actively practicing behavior change I need to or just ruminating on doing it?

-Am I embracing the process or am I berating and beating myself up?

With all of these plateaus:

-Am I being realistic?

-Am I being patient?

-Am I actually doing the necessary work?

As I am writing this, I have been dealing with a knot in my upper back that has caused neck stiffness and pain on and off for several months now. I feel outbursts of anger and frustration about why it keeps coming back, but in my head I know exactly why. 

Because also, as I am writing this, I become aware that my torso is constantly caving into a rounded posture because the keyboard is too far away. My laptop screen is too low, making my neck round down to see the screen, even though I keep saying to myself that I need to change my set up to raise it to my eye-line as my sports physical therapist has recommended. 

This mini-assessment lessens the frustration a little and helps me feel somewhat more empowered. I know that there is still more I can do to take control of my own physical well being. I just have to do the damn thing.

AM I EVEN IN A PLATEAU?

Plateaus often aren’t even plateaus - they are often conjured up by a myopic and skewed view of one’s own progress. Before you mire yourself in those swampy waters of negativity, ask yourself:

-What am I basing the rate at which I should be reaching my goals on?

-Is the pace even realistic or based on any science?

-Am I comparing myself to someone who has been working on a thing for months, years, possibly decades where I am only just beginning?

-AM I BEING PATIENT ENOUGH?

Brian St. Pierre of Precision Nutrition states that reasonable fat loss per week is equal to 0.5 to 1.0% of body weight lost per week (with extreme fat loss peaking at 1.5% of body weight loss per week, requiring 90-100% consistency with nutrition).

Long-term success requires the development of both physical and mental muscles, and the weakest of these is typically patience.

Everyone knows the saying that ‘patience is a virtue’, but more importantly, patience is a SKILL. And like all other skills, it requires repetitions upon repetitions to become good at it.

Practice awareness in moments where you can exercise your patience. Are you prone to road rage behind the wheel? Try Box Breathing (4-second inhale, 4-second breath hold, 4-second exhale, 4-second breath hold, repeat) when you feel it coming on and work to let the moment of frustration and anger pass during these breaths. Feeling self-loathing for not reaching a weight loss goal by your birthday, wedding or other special event? Ask yourself: Did the number you wanted to reach and the time you gave yourself to reach it have anything to do with reality or were they just arbitrary?

Patience generates perseverance. Perseverance generates not only results, but develops mental fortitude to outlast the next mental and physical plateaus that will inevitably come in your journey forward.

CAN YOU WORK SMARTER INSTEAD OF HARDER?

Everyone - EVERYONE - experiences plateaus in their progress. This is very important to let sink in, because once you understand that it’s natural, you know it’s not an indictment of you or a sign of your failure.

Responding emotionally to a perceived plateau can cause us to grind harder without assessing whether or not we will be working harder in the correct direction.

Dr. Thomas Rutledge of the University of California San Diego created the summary below of the traditional, self-limiting perspective on plateaus versus the empowering, growth-minded perspective “practiced by the successful minority” of people:

If you are convinced you are in a plateau, ask yourself: 

-“What information is this plateau trying to tell me?”

-”How long should reaching my goals actually take?”

-”How do I keep going in an intelligent direction?”

Perspective, Patience and Perseverance.

If you want to succeed and break through a plateau, it doesn’t require superhuman abilities or godlike willpower. It requires that you keep your head up and keep going!

Take the sage advice from the great American philosophers WIlson Phillips:

“If you hold on for one more day,

Things will go your way.”

Strength & Wellness to you!

Sources:

-Rutledge Ph.D, Thomas, 2019, A New Psychology for Weight Loss Plateaus, Psychology Today, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-healthy-journey/201906/new-psychology-weight-loss-plateaus#:~:text=A%20common%20reason%20for%20weight,weight%20to%20merely%20maintaining%20weight.

-St. Pierre, Brian, Fat Loss and Muscle Gain: What Does Realistic Progress Look Like, PrecisionNutrition.com, https://www.precisionnutrition.com/rates-of-fat-loss-and-muscle-gain#fatloss.

One Mindset “Trick” That Will Keep the Fat Off

Back on a warm summer day in 2006, I was standing at a street festival, smelling the scent of fried carnival food in the air, light beer in hand, waiting to meet some friends I hadn’t seen in a while. 

When my friends and I eventually met up, I can remember one of them saying, “Oh my gosh, you look great!”

I had lost about 50 lbs in my latest weight loss attempt at that point. Six years prior to that, I had gotten down to 194 lbs, my lowest as an adult to that point, only to regain my way all the way back up to 288 lbs, my all-time high.

I could only think of how much I used to weigh before I regained all that weight, and how much more I had to lose to get back to where I used to be.

“I never should have regained it in the first place,” was my answer. She looked at me like I kicked her dog. Awkward silence followed.

Have you ever been caught off guard by a compliment?

What did you say in response?

How did you feel when it was said to you?

If you felt uncomfortable, you are not alone.

In a recent study by Christopher Littlefield, founder of AcknowledgementWorks, almost 70% of people associate a feeling of “discomfort or embarrassment” with receiving positive acknowledgement.

The really fucked up thing about this is that the same study showed 88% of people associate such positive acknowledgement with the feeling of being valued.

We crave the value felt from compliments, but we reject them when they are actually offered.

So even when we receive the validation that we often work so hard for, our minds will spoil it, bastardize it, or outright erase it with feelings of guilt or embarrassment.

Which leads us to our “one mindset trick”:

NEVER ARGUE WITH A COMPLIMENT. JUST SAY, “THANK YOU”

It may sound overly simple, but go back and think about the last time you received a compliment from someone.

Very often, we will respond with answers that either negate or marginalize the compliment that was given. 

“You look nice today,” will be answered with, “Oh, no - I’m a mess.”

Or

“Great job,” urges us to minimize our accomplishment with, “It was nothing,” or “It wasn’t that hard.”

The reason it can be so uncomfortable for us to receive praise is that our negative thoughts and self-image aren’t in alignment with what is being said. Even worse, our negative self-image can cause us to view the compliment giver as an unreliable or even untrustworthy source.

In order to reverse this self-destructive pattern, we must listen to and accept positive messages from others and from ourselves. And we must resist the negative impulses that keep us from taking in the recognition that we - that YOU are, in fact, a worthy and bad ass individual! 

It has been said that you can’t expect to walk 10 miles into the forest and get back out in 5. If you have spent decades thinking, saying and believing negative things about yourself, it will take a lot of awareness and repeated positive messaging to fight back. But, like your fitness and health journey, it is a righteous fight. 

So take a breath. Sit in the discomfort of the positive thought. Let the compliment soak in. Don’t argue with or marginalize it.

Simply say, “Thank you”. 

And remind yourself to say “Thank you” again and again and again along your journey.

It will do wonders for your confidence and your mindset.

Sources:

-Goulston, Mark, 2013, What to do when praise makes you uncomfortable, Harvard Business Review, https://hbr.org/2013/12/what-to-do-when-praise-makes-you-uncomfortable

-Morin, Amy, 2016, 4 Reasons Compliments Make You Cringe, Inc.com, https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/compliments-make-you-cringe-science-explains-the-reasons-why.html#:~:text=Your%20Self%2DImage%20Doesn't,%22You're%20so%20smart.